Just fell off a train. Bad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
