Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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