Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
