i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
