I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
