Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
