I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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