This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
