One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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