Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
