they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
