I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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