I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
