im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
