Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
