It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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