At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
