I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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