No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
