omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
