I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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