then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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