Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this boner is exhausting
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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