Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
