Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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