i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
