I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
