just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
