gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
