From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
