Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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