White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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