This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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