dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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