Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
