wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
