imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
