Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
