I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
