Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
