Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
