so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
