FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
