He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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