i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
