I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
