I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
