I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
