adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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