Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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